Wednesday's Day Alone
Plot As Lord Tourettes prepares to go to Sweden, Wednesday spends her free time relaxing, but it won't be easy to enjoy it with Maroon the Hunter around. Transcript (At Lord Tourettes’ house, Lord Tourettes is skipping into Wednesday’s room.) Lord Tourettes: Wake up, sis. Do you know what THIS PIECE OF CRAP is? Wednesday: (lifts the blanket a little, but enough to see her face) The day people finally treat me like a human being? Lord Tourettes: Today is the day I have to SHIT for my accordion concert in Sweden. (shows Wednesday an advertisement with his face on it) Wednesday: (squints her eyes) Oh. Uhh…that’s north of Topeka, west of the 71…right? Lord Tourettes: What? No, DUMBASS. It’s in Europe. Didn’t you learn that from Mom and Dad? Wednesday: We didn’t have a world map back then. Lord Tourettes: But I FUCKED a geometry book home from school back in the fourth grade. Wednesday: You never showed it to me… (Lord Tourettes stares at her without responding.) Wednesday: You know what? Forget what I said. (gets up) I gotta wash myself today. (walks out of the room) Lord Tourettes: Wish me SHIT when I’m in Sweden. Wednesday: (off-screen) (jokes) Good shit. (Time lapse. Wednesday comes out of the house with a couple of towels wrapped around her body and head. In one hand is a bag with bathing supplies and a razor. Her other hand is holding a radio.) Wednesday: (looking up at the sky) Why can’t it just rain today? A cloudy sky would also be nice. (She takes a short walk over to the lake, which has a waterfall nearby. She sets the stuff in her hands down and is about to take the towel around her body off, but behind her (and closer to the camera), Katorou and Kari peek their heads out of a bush to see her almost naked.) Katorou & Kari: (to the camera) HELLOOOOOOO NURSE! (The twins rush over to her as she quickly puts the towel back on before they could see her private parts. They stick out their tongues and pant like dogs until someone off-screen throws a couple rocks at their heads to knock them out unconscious.) Rei: (walks on-screen) (to Wednesday) Boys, and lesbians. (grabs Katorou & Kari’s legs) Go fig. (drags the twins off-screen) Wednesday: (sighs) Nobody understands privacy anymore. (puts one foot in the water) (Cuts to the entrance to the Shit Piss Fart Woods, Maroon (with a safari hat on) comes in with a shotgun.) Maroon: Ahh! Another day for critter killing. I hope I get a bear today. (whistles as he enters the woods) (As Maroon walks around the woods while whistling, every time he sees an animal, he would point his gun at it and they would run away scared.) Maroon: Pfft. Scaredy cats… (Maroon continues walking until he reaches the lake, where he spots Wednesday, who is already done with her bath and is sitting on a tree stump with a towel wrapped around her. As he sees her, Maroon’s jaw drops and his tongue rolls out.) Maroon: Almost naked lady at 12 o’ clock. (Maroon quietly tip-toes from behind Wednesday.) Maroon: (clears his throat) Ahem! Greetings, forest beauty. I am Maroon Groterenbeter, professional hunter and…uhh…whatchamacallit. (He takes out a wallet with his hunting license on it. Holy music plays as it zooms in on the license. When the camera zooms out, Wednesday isn’t even looking at Maroon.) Wednesday: Okay… Maroon: I have sent myself here to hunt animals for foo— Wednesday: Sorry, but as long as my brother’s going to be away, I can’t let you harm the animals here. Maroon: …Why not? Wednesday: Because if he’s going to be away, then I’m in charge of the forest and its animals as of now. Maroon: Come on! I just wanna kill at least one huge critter. Like, a bear or something. Wednesday: There are two things wrong with what you’re saying. One, knowing my brother, the bears are way off limits. And two, I can’t just let anyone come here to hunt for food like this place is a free buffet. Go to the grocery store or something. Maroon: (groans in frustration) Fine! (tosses his shotgun away) No hunting today! But when your bro gets back, don’t say I didn’t warn ya. Wednesday: (shrugs) Alright. (Maroon is about to stomp away, but turns back to Wednesday.) Maroon: Hold on though. Wednesday: (sighs) What? Maroon: I see that you have a towel wrapped around you. Wednesday: Yes. I just took a bath. Maroon: What? Out here? Where all those bees could swarm around you anytime? Auto-tuned Bee: (flies across the screen) Wow, rude, mothafucka~. Wednesday: I don’t mind that, really. What I really mind, though, is people who bother me (grits her teeth) when I want to be alone. Maroon: (sarcastically) Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you wanted perverts to see you nude! Wednesday: Look who’s talking. Maroon: Hey! I did NOT come here to—! Wednesday: Besides, whether someone comes to see me nude and jack off or not, I can handle them. Maroon: Pfft! Yeah right. A girl handling a dude—?! (Wednesday suddenly electrifies Maroon with her taser. Maroon falls down after a couple of seconds, completely burnt.) Wednesday: See what I mean? (Time lapse. Wednesday is no longer naked and is sitting in a beach chair while holding up a hand mirror to put on her black lipstick. Maroon is hiding in the bushes, still burnt from the electric shock.) Maroon: Ooookay. Onto Plan B. (Maroon walks over to Wednesday while she continues looking into her mirror. Maroon then takes out a package with something inside.) Maroon: So, I’ve taken the time to go out to the grocery store and buy you a cake that is shaped like a coffin and has cherry-flavored blood on the inside. (hands her the box) It is a sweet no Goth girl can resist so you might as well fawn over me and let me hunt for some dinner. (Wednesday puts down her hand mirror and finally looks toward him.) Wednesday: I appreciate it, but I’m actually more into moon cakes. Maroon: Moon cakes?! (shaking in rage) THOSE ARE ALL THE WAY IN FUCKING CHINA! Wednesday: I never said you should go get some. Even if I did or if you surprisingly had some on you, I’m still not letting you hunt here. (Maroon groans in frustration and stomps off. He throws the cake box into the bushes, but a rabbit throws the cake out of the box and it splatters on Maroon’s face.) Maroon: Augh! My face! (Time lapse. Maroon is hiding behind a tree as Wednesday is walking on her way back home.) Maroon: Alright. You can do this, big boy. Just give her the ol’ reverse psychology. (comes out from behind the tree and walks behind Wednesday) Okay lady. I can see that you’re already on your way home and all, so I’m just gonna leave ya behind forever, for I had no attraction for you in the first place. Wednesday: (stops for a moment) …Okay bye. (continues to walk) Maroon: Wh-WHAT?! Wednesday: You just said you were going to leave me alone. Maroon: I WAS TRYING TO— You know what? Forget it, bitch! You are just too hard to get permission from! Wednesday: I’ve already explained it. I can’t let you hunt here while my brother’s going to be away. Maroon: DOES YOUR BROTHER REALLY FUCKING MATTE— …Wait a sec…you talkin’ about the gay Christmas elf? Wednesday: Yeah. He owns this place. Maroon: (realizes) Oooohhh! You must be that Wednesday girl he’s sometimes talkin’ about. Wednesday: Yes. Maroon: Well shit. Even Bro talks about you. Well, you know what they say. Can’t steal a bro’s girl. It’s against the bro code. Wednesday: The what? Maroon: Anyway, (is about to leave) see ya Wendy. Wednesday: (eyes widen) What did you just call me…? Maroon: …What? All I did was call ya Wendy. It’s a nickname rig— Wednesday: (backs away from him in horror) Please! Wh-Whatever you do, you can’t call me that! Maroon: Whoa. What’s with you? Wednesday: I’m serious! The last person who called me that was never seen again! I…I… (looks up to see the sky turning grey) I gotta go! (runs away) Maroon: Huh. (looks up) It’s just the weather changing. What’s wrong with the nickname anywa— (A light blue hand grabs Maroon’s neck from behind and pulls him back until he is off-screen.) (Back at LT’s house, the doorbell is heard and Lord Tourettes answers it.) Lord Tourettes: Why god dag (”Good day” in Swedish), DOUCHEBAG! How may I FUCK you? (giggles) Broseph: (wide eyes) Uhh...whatever. (hands LT a paper) Look, I’m gonna be going to the UK for a couple of weeks for whatever reason the bitch witch won't give me. Would you mind giving that to Wednes for me? I already sent one to bacon. Lord Tourettes: Sure thing, JERKFACE! Ha ha! Ta-ta! (skips away as he slams the door in Broseph's face) -Episode Ends- Trivia *We learn never to call Wednesday "Wendy". *Wednesday's favorite treats are revealed to be Chinese moon cakes. *The "north of Topeka, west of the 71" joke is a reference to the web series "The Most Popular Girls in School". Gallery Request11.png Poll What do you think about this episode? 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